Some of the things we have experienced over the last 4 years has been interesting. Occasionally we DREAM about smoking. In our dreams we know we quit so the guilt is there as we dream. I always wake up from those dreams disappointed in myself because I somehow feel I cheated! There are times Mike gets the urge to smoke. Hanging out outside with friends at a bonfire with a beer in his hand reminds him of moments long ago with a cigarette in his hand. The internal URGE TO SMOKE isn't there anymore. With me it's an anger I created to overcome these feelings. I do NOT crave cigarettes anymore. Actually it is the opposite. The smell of them literally makes me sick! They have such a chemical smell to me I can pick out a smoker and their cigarette a mile away! No Joke! A guy smoking a cigarette in the car in front of me makes me nauseous if my window is open! It's amazing how much the smoke truly does fill the air!
When I smoked I believed if I was smoking outside then I was being courteous. Truth is - its just about as bad. The smoke lingers in the air...like a green fog only to be finally inhaled by some oblivious non-smoking passerby or even by the original offender without them knowing it. I love that restaurants are all finally coming together to ban smoking. I actually stopped going to the places that allowed smoking because the smell was so bad. Sadly now the smokers have taken to smoking right at the entrances. I understand it, but I hate it. I am now on a regular basis getting your 2nd hand smoke as I enter the establishment! Believe me, we are getting it. Please move away from the entrance - you are killing me and any others including our children we are bringing there. Do yourself a favor and us, smoke in your own vehicle - at least then we may be spared.
I know you think I sound harsh. Like one of those EX smokers. The attitude and all. You are right. I never understood it but I do now. I smoked for 34 years of my life. 34 years. It was my choice. No one forced me. I was addicted however, but still my choice.
I want you to know that I am admitting it before all that read this, I lived those 34 years in denial! I am sorry!! Sorry for my 2nd hand smoke that you had to breathe in. Sorry the smell you had to put up with. Sorry for the excuses and lost time I wasted by smoking. I am so Sorry to my children. I smoked while I was pregnant, too. Oh yes I am the worst kind of smoker. I can't take that back. But know this, I am so sorry girls. Sorry that I make you worry about my health and sorry I put you at risk for cancer, too. I am Sorry for my shortcomings and the price you had to pay for me to be like this. I am surely sorry that I ever smoked!
If you are a Smoker right now - you my friend are living your life in Denial, too! Take it from someone that has been exactly where you are. I'm NOT a non-smoker! I am a Smoker - for life! Just as a Alcoholic is an Alcoholic for life, even after he is done drinking! I know what I am talking about. 34 years of my life smoking upwards of 2 packs a day makes me an expert on this subject...trust me! You are living in Denial!
Aren't you tired of being sick? Do you miss that loved one and don't want to die the same way? Aren't you tired of the embarrassment, the smell, the inconvenience of it, the yellow teeth, the yellow walls, your children's health, the whispers from non-smokers, the cost, the ashtrays, the excuses, waiting for cancer to show up and mostly aren't you just tired of smoking and not being able to breathe?
I got so sick of being sick all the time and not being able to just get over it like everyone else. I got sick of watching my Mom and her quality of life diminish. She once told me..."Quit because of me Linda" and I didn't understand it then. But I grew to understand it as I watched her last 10 years. She told me that one of her happiest moments in her life is when she had heard that me and Mike had quit smoking! It was because of her and a million other reasons!
You need to find what it is that will make you sick of it, too! No excuses. No lies. Just Quit!
I wish you luck my friend. I wish you healthy lungs and a better quality life. It won't be easy. But I know you can do it because I did! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment